Female balding….. I am losing my hair, and it isn’t from the stress of parenting

This is all I can think about day in and day out when I am not wearing a hair or scarf.  Image borrowed from: www.oprah.com

This is all I can think about day in and day out when I am not wearing a hat or scarf.
Image borrowed from: http://www.oprah.com

What I am about to discuss is not pleasant for me. And frankly if I were not blogging anonymously, I probably would not have the guts to discuss it.

All us women have something about our bodies that we loath. I mean shit that just drives us up the wall every time we look, think, smell, what have you. Perhaps a varicose vein popping out of your thigh, pulsating every time you run your finger over it. Maybe you have a mole that is so large, you could give it a government capitol and run election for president. Maybe you have webbed feet? I don’t know.

For me, it is my hair. You are probably saying to yourself, “What the hell is she talking about? Who cares about hair? Just get a good cut and color, and be on your way”. No…. my hair has history. My hair is my demise. My hair effects my confidence and mood every single day of my life. My hair is not only thin, I am going bald. I feel like no one really talks about female balding. If you are a man, and start to go bald, you can just shave your head, done! With women, going bald is just embarrassing and shameful.

It all started about 18 years ago. You know, when there was no electricity and we had to walk to school in our bare feet, 10 miles in the snow. Nah, just kidding. But really…. When I was 16, and sexually active, I decided to get the Depo Provera shot for birth control. It is a hormone shot you get once every 3 months that stops you from ovulating. Worst decision of my life. I was only on the shot for about 9 months. In the 9 month period, I gained weight, stopped having periods, and my hair fell out. I am talking handfuls of hair coming out at a time. It took me a while to realize it was stemming from birth control. As soon as I put two and two together, I stopped the visits to Planned Parenthood, and moved onto a diaphragm.

From age 16 until age 34 (or present day), my hair has progressively become thinner and thinner. I have tried special shampoos, vitamins, acupuncture, blood work, different hair colors, comb overs, and more. Nothing has worked. Frankly I loath when people try and give me advice about it, as I feel like I have already tried EVERYTHING!

Over the years I have gone through various fashion statements, trying to hide my thinning hair. This includes a large chair scarf collection starting in the early 2000’s. Followed by years of collecting tons of hats!

Now I pretty much wear a wide variety of hats about 5 days a week. Or if I am motivated, I will blow dry my hair, comb it over a very special way, and then put a special mineral powder makeup that covers my visible scalp line, and then hair spray it so not one bit can move at all. Even then, all day long, all I can think of, is if people are looking at my hair when they talk to me. Very distracting when you are trying to have a conversation with someone, let alone a job interview.

So now am now at a stage in my life of acceptance. I will never get a full head of hair. When I was pregnant 2 times, my hair grew back slightly, but then just fell out again once I was about 5 months post postpartum. So where do I go from here? How much hair will I lose? It is slowly getting thinner. And slowly I am getting more depressed about it.

I had this epiphany today. What if I just started wearing a wig? What if I decided to be that fashion forward girl who wore a rockin’ wig and just owned it. Christina Aguilera, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, and many many more stars do it. So why not me?

Or maybe I should get a hair piece. Although I have this vision of the man who has a toupee and a monkey lands on his shoulders, takes the toupee off, and runs off, while everyone laughs at him. I just could not handle the humiliation.


Getting back to basics. Dusting off the sewing machine. Sewing some kids and doll clothes.

I felt like a kid waiting for Santa this week. Amazon was shipping me 3 brand new, full color, beautiful sewing books. When they arrived, I was in heaven. I have just received:

Sewing School – 21 Sewing Projects Kids Will Love to Make
I am so excited about this book. I have been wanting to teach my daughter how to sew for some time now. She is so into fashion and creating outfits. I really think if she knew how to sew, someday she can turn her creations from paper into actual clothing pieces. This book teachers kids how to hand sew and actually make stuff that is fun.

This book has over 21 sewing projects for kids. Super fun and easy for parents or teachers to coach kids through the projects.

Sewing Clothes Kids Love – This book is amazing! You get 10 full-size patterns of the cutest kid clothes ever. My daughter loves this style. Lots of mixed patterns, extra notions of ribbon, buttons, applique, etc.


Sew the Contemporary Wardrobe for 18-Inch Dolls – Which ended up being more “contemporary” for clothing from the 90’s. This was a little bit of a let down. But I think I can use the patterns and put a modern touch to it. Basically the American Girl doll will have a matching wardrobe as my daughter.

Ok, back to me! Flash back to when I was a kid. My mom made tons of clothes for me. I look back at the clothes she had made and I have to laugh. They looked like I was from “Little House On The Prairie”. Not sure if that was the style she as looking for, or she was just uber conservative and secretly wanted to be apart of of compound or something.

When I was in 8th grade, I took a sewing class in Jr High School. I remember I made a purple plaid sport blazer and rocked it in the school fashion show runway. I was so proud of myself. I loved that class.

Since then, I have been sewing on and off. I have to admit, I haven’t sewn a ton of garments. Most of my sewing has been pillows, quilts, curtains, eye pillows, baby ring slings, aprons, and baby bloomers. I haven’t sewn an actual garment from a pattern for 4 years. My daughter was almost 2 years old at the time. I had this fantasy where I would sew every Halloween costume my kids would wear. Hell, my mom did it for me, and I loved it! I had the most original costumes out of all the kids in my class.

After slaving over the pattern book, I finally choose the cutest bumble bee costume for my sweet little girl. I bought all the notion details, fabric, pattern, etc (which totaled $50), and got to work. I was so proud of my hard work. I thought, “She is going to love this. How could she not think this is the best thing in the world”.

She hated it. She refused to wear it. My 23 month old little girl was scaring my emotional well being. How could she?!!! So in the end, I made her wear it, tears and all. I am such a mean mommy. But… but… but… we were a bumble bee family and if she wasn’t a bee too, it would have just f-ed up the entire theme. And I haven’t sewn a garment since.

But I am officially ready to attempt the challenge again. I am praying this time will be different. This time, she gets to pick out her own pattern, her own fabric, and she gets to help me design it along the way. Will there be bitching along the way? Probably. Will we bicker at each other and one of us will ends up storming off and slamming a door? Most likely. But dammit, we will have quality mother daughter if it kills me!

One note in closing. There is a really high chance that I may become obsessed with this and lose myself in process. If that is the case, blogging may be set aside for a little bit. Don’t worry if this happens. Knowing me, I always get super excited about a hobby, then drop it like a fly when the next best thing comes along. Take blogging for example….

An open letter to all the creeps and pedophiles out there

Image borrowed from: http://favim.com/image/167160/

Dear Creeps and Pedophiles,

You know who you are. You are the people out there who just arrived at my blog by searching for “how to get my girlfriend to shit on my face”. Or (the worst and most disturbing one I have ever seen), “kids fuck in the ass”. You disgust me. And although I know by typing those key phrases into this post, may draw you to my blog even more, I hope you read this and never come back again. 

Ok, I know I am naive and innocent of the ways of the sick and twisted world out there. When I created this blog, and choose the name “Poop On My Hands”, it was sarcastic symbolism of all the crap us parents go through in parenting on a day to day basis. It has nothing to do with any sort of kinky fantasy you may have about someone shitting on you. Nor does it have anything to do with a woman farting in your mouth.

And to all you pedophiles out there. Stay the fuck away from my blog. If you come to my blog, I hope you hit the back button, to your search results as quickly as I hope you dick falls off someday. How dare you wake up every morning and ever think you can click a link to my blog. You are sick in the head and need serious counselling. I pray you never violate a child and act out on your mentally disturbed fantasies. And I hope you never find what you are looking for on the web and are left with the worst blue balls you have ever experienced in your life.

I blog anonymously. Quite frankly, when I see what led some people to my blog, I am so thankful I blog anonymously. I never thought in a million years, I would see the key terms people have used to come to my blog. Some days, I squint my eyes just so I can only see the stats table, vs read any key phrases that were used to get to my blog. It saddens me, makes me want to vomit in my mouth, and hurts my soul to know there are sickos out there. Some days I want to close my blog and never type another word.

But as of today, I am going to keep trucking on and blog my heart out. However, I will continue to be careful of what I say, never discussing any facts of my kids that could be used in a perverted manner. However, the next thing you know, some pervert will find my blog by searching for “girl pooping in backyard flowers”. Or some misconstrued meaning from “daughter has tantrum”.

Not Yours Truly,
Delia Fairchild

You love me, you really love me….. And you gave me an award!

I love blogging so much, but sometimes I want to cry when I look at my stats and I feel as though I am pretty much the only person in cyberland reading my posts, unless I am honored by the lovely comments you give my posts. Being a new blogger, it is hard to not get discouraged that you don’t go viral after your first month of blogging. Who knew, right?

However….. drum roll please….. I have been honored with an blogging award. Thank you Mama, Schmama! You made my day!

You have honored me with a Liebster Award! Sweet! So in order to accept this award, I need to do the following. And those of you who I nominated, you will need to do these as well to accept your award.

  1. You love me, you really love me!

    You love me, you really love me!

    List 11 facts about yourself. 

  2. Answer the 11 questions given to you.
  3. Ask 11 new questions to the bloggers you nominate.
  4. Choose 11 bloggers to nominate.
  5. Visit each bloggers page and tell them about the award.
  6. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to them.
  7. No track backs

Ok, so here it goes!

11 facts about myself:

  1. I married my high school sweet heart. 
  2. At one point in my life, I had 2 moms, 2 dads, and 4 sets of living grandparents.
  3. In another life, I was a hip hop dancer (but that is only when no one is watching).
  4. I am actually a belly dancer.
  5. I have never spanked my children and never will.
  6. I used to smoke weed every day of my life from the age 17-21.
  7. I have run 3-4 businesses in my life. All but one has not been successful. However I have learned SOOO much from each one.
  8. I love all Twilight and Trueblood related footage. Sorry to say, but Trueblood is like soft porn for women. But because it is on HBO, it is socially acceptable.
  9. I have a sister who is bipolar and an on and off again drug addict (off right now).
  10. I have anxiety issues.
  11. I practice Positive Discipline (or at least that is the goal).

Answer 11 questions about myself.

  1. If you were to meet your online friends in person, how would you behave?
    If I met my online friends in person, I would pretty much act the same caddy self as I am online. I have no filter in person and talk a lot of smack.

  2. What responsibility do you have that you tend to neglect?
    I hate laundry. HATE IT! I will put a load in the washer, forget it, and 2 days later check on it and it smells like mildew. So then I need to wash it again on hot and start all over. I also will have a mountain of laundry on the love seat that will live there for weeks before it actually makes its way to drawers folded.

  3. What is one thing everyone should see at least once in their life?
    When I first read this, I thought it said, the one thing everyone should see ME do at least once in their life. So I am going to answer it like that. Opps.
    I am a belly dancer. I have danced for about 10 years (on and off). I have taken a little break since having my son. But I am actually getting back into it and found a new class to take that is right up the street from where I live. Dancing is the one thing I do with my belly showing and just own it! I think I look beautiful with all the back flab and everything! You will never see me on the beach in a granny suit with that much confidence.

  4. Name one blog insecurity that you have and contrast that with one source of blog pride.
    Even though I blog anonymously and none of my family knows my blog name, I still am nervous about if I talk too much shit about them. And I would LOVE to talk shit about my husband, but he sometimes visits the blog, so you know… that may cause some counselling sessions right there.

  5. If you could fix one, just one world problem, what would it be?
    Really? That is so hard to answer. I feel like I am in a beauty pageant and need to talk about world peace and shit! Ok… here it goes. I would probably make equal rights for all!

  6. Right or left handed?
    Right handed, duh!

  7. What was your 8 year old self 100% right about?
    That I am always right!

  8. What famous person would make you totally freak out about if they started following your blog?
    Ok, this is bad, but I am a sucker for a sparkling vamp. Coincidentally, I love Robert Pattinson. So if he followed my blog, I would be stoked. However, he has no kids, not married, and could basically give a shit about anything I have to say… But who cares. I still love him to death!

  9. Draw a picture of a nose.  Include that in your post.  Yeah, that’s right.  I want to see how you draw noses. 
    No thanks! Sorry, can I still keep my award?

  10. What did you like better- elementary school, high school, or college?
    Jr high school rocked my world. I was a big fish in a small pond. Super popular, student council, sports, boyfriend, etc. Then I went to high school. Met my boyfriend (who is now my husband), turned goth, smoked clove cigarettes  and hated everyone. So yeah, high school sucked balls!

  11. Since liebster means dearest or favorite…what is one favorite belief or piece of advice you have?
    Sing!!! Even if you have the most horrible voice ever! Sing your heart out. And you don’t have to sing in front of people. It can be in your car alone. But when you sing, you can release so much built up emotions, anger, happiness, etc. It just feels really good!

Ok, 11 bloggers, here you go! You are wonderful and I love ya!
(I am sorry if you already have this award)

  1. The Bug and Me
  2. Crazy Owl Imaginings
  3. Motherhood is an Art
  4. Sandy Toes Creations
  5. Everyday Parenting Canada
  6. The Adventure of a Life
  7. Reluctant Daddio
  8. Can I Get Another Bottle of Wine
    Phew…. Ok this is what I got for now!

11 Questions for nominated bloggers:

  1. Why do you blog?
  2. What animal best describes your personality
  3. Veggi or meat? And why?
  4. Reality TV or Drama TV?
  5. How will you prepare for a zombie apocalypse?
  6. Favorite music genre?
  7. How many brothers and sisters did you have and where were you in the line of the mix. (first born, middle, etc?)
  8. If you could travel to one place in the entire world, where would it be?
  9. What does your blog name mean to you?
  10. Johnny Depp or Will Smith and why?
  11. What is your ideal date night activity?

I am obsessed with my garden. No picking the flowers!!!!

I love my garden

I love my garden

I had big plans for what I was going to blog about tonight. My birthday was last Thursday, Mother’s Day today, Shopping, etc…. But my garden has inspired me, so I thought I would go with that. However, in the light of it being Mother’s Day, this post actually applies. How you may ask? Well, let me enlighten you. It all started back when you had to light a room with a candle at night, and walk 5 miles to school in the snow with no shoes…. haha nah… But it did start when I was a kid.

I love gardening. My grandparents were huge gardeners. My grandfather grew fruit orchards and when retired, he was known for his Italian tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers. My grandmother always had the most immaculate floral garden. The grand kids weren’t even allowed to walk on the lawn. Pretty anal, right? My mother is a hard core gardener. Her garden has been in tours. We have every large family party in her backyard. She has a huge vegetable garden, a fish pond, and full hot tub with landscaped beds surrounding it.

I have little magical additions here and there. Like faeries....

I have little magical additions here and there. Like faeries….

Pretty much, the green thumb runs in the my blood. Does that mean I have green blood? Hah! Of course as a kid you don’t give a crap. “Whatever mom. Pull weeds? Yeah, right”. As a kid, you don’t appreciate the yard looking nice, or the excitement your mom has when she gets a delivery of mulch, or fresh home grown tomatoes. It isn’t until you are an adult, with a garden of your own, working the soil with a back that hurts like hell, that you really truly appreciate all the hard work that goes into having a nice garden.

The first house I rented with my boyfriend (who is now my husband), at the age of 19, I had a garden. It was pretty much a pile of sand when I started weeding it out. I remember calling my dad crying because my back was killing me and it still didn’t look like I had made any progress. But after some fatherly touch, I actually made it look like a beautiful little plot of land. From age 19 to now (age 34), I have lived in 4 different homes. Each of those homes, I have had a garden. And with each home, the garden has looked more and more amazing.

The vines are getting out of control. Like my inability to stop buying more plants!

The vines are getting out of control. Like my inability to stop buying more plants!

And now, here I am. My family is living in the home we will probably die in, (hopefully not until we are old and crippled). And by golly, my garden ROCKS IT! I love my garden. I have to admit, I am a bit of a plant hoarder. I buy plants like no body’s business. Hell, if they die, I just take them out and try something new. This is the second year with my garden, and I love every day I spend in it.

My garden serves as a haven for where my kids can play and I can pull weeds, plant, water, or just sit on my ass. We can spend quality time together, playing soccer, sidewalk chalk, or harvesting vegetables  My garden serves as education for my children. They help plant the vegetable garden, help water, help pick the vegetables, etc. My garden also serves for a hide away for me. When my husband and kids are driving me up the wall, I can hide out and say I am “watering”, and I “zen” out and in my peace and quiet.

Of course, my kids won’t fully appreciate the garden until they’re adults, as I didn’t when I was a kid. My daughter is 6 years old and I am still getting on her case for picking flowers. “Girl, you don’t pick my flowers!”

You better not pick the flowers in my garden!

You better not pick the flowers in my garden!

When my niece and nephew come over, once again, I am constantly getting on their case about picking flowers. “What the hell, stop picking my flowers!!!!” I feel like that cray old lady who gets upset when someone walks on her lawn. I will watch the kids from my bedroom window and if I see them pick a flower, I will yell from the window, “I have told you over and over, stop picking the flowers!”.  I think I am a little OCD when it comes to the garden.

I wrote in my mom’s Mother’s Day card, “When you are old, I will help you garden”. And I fully plan on carrying out that commitment. I hope someday that my children will do the same for me when I am old. Either that, or I will hire some hot young gardener to help me, and watch him when he bends over and picks up bags of potting soil. How’s that for a visual.


If there are any Santa Cruz locals reading my blog, check out this wonderful event coming up. June 15th, the Monterey Master Gardeners are hosting an all day boot camp. For $40, from 8:00-5:00 pm you get to chose from a huge variety of classes. I can’t wait for this special event. I am going to learn about organic gardening, coastal roses, composting, pruning and more. It is like Disney Land for gardeners!!!

Check it out here:

Monterey Bay Master Gardeners Boot Camp

For Mother’s Day, all I want is to be left the “F” alone!

All I want for Mother's Day is to be left alone.

All I want for Mother’s Day is to be left alone.
Photo borrowed from http://spaliciousgifts.com/

I will start this post by giving you the definition of what a “mother” is, from the words of my 6 year old daughter.

“A mother is someone who is rude and mean to her kids.”

“A mom/mommy is someone who is loving and sweet to her kids.”

And when she calls me “mother”, you know why. I wear that title with pride, as most likely if I am called a “mother”, it means I am doing my job. I can’t be a “mommy” 100% of the time, even though I wish I could.

With that said, Mother’s Day is coming. And quite frankly, I just want to be left the fuck alone on Mother’s Day. Think of it… All day by myself. Quite household. No screaming. Nobody making the kitchen dirty. No in-laws wanting to spend time together. No babies needing changing. Just me, my house, my couch, maybe some sparkly vampires, in all their hotness, on the old boob-tube, and a huge bowel of cereal with a wooden spoon in my hand.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. And I love my children. But why on earth does Mother’s Day mean needing to spend time with them? I see them every single day of my life. But for one day, could they honor me by getting out of my face and letting me have some peace and quiet?

When you are a mom of young children, with a mother of your own, Mother’s Day ends up being more work for you than ever. Not only do you need to spend time with your own mom (buy gifts, take her to lunch, etc), but you also need to partake in making your own kids feel like they are addressed on this special day. For example, my tradition with my daughter and my mom is to all get pedicures. Oh, so sweet, right? 3 generations of women in the family all sitting there getting our nails done. Then it is time to pay. You, as the middle woman in the family, get to pay for all of them. Obviously your 6 year old isn’t going to pay for your pedicure, and your own mother isn’t going to pay for your pedicure. And you would look like a schmuck if you didn’t pay for your mom’s pedicure. So there you have it, Mother’s Day and you get to fork out $50 to be honored and honor them in return.

This year I decided to host a Mother’s Day Eve brunch. I figured I would invite the moms, nana, aunts, sisters, and sister-in-laws over to my house for a “kid free” brunch in my backyard. This way, I could see all the moms from all sides of the family in one swoop the day before Mother’s Day. Then it would free up my Sunday to just do my own thing. Great idea in concept. However, it backfired. My father-in-law and his wife decided they didn’t want to come into town on Saturday, but wanted to come on Sunday. And of course during the 3 times a year they decide to come into town for all of 8 hours during the day, they want to see the grand kids. So there goes my Sunday Mother’s Day. Not only do I get to pay for 3 pedicures, I also get to spend time with my father-in-law and his wife so they can have an hour of quality time with their grand kids.

So after all this, I decided that Sunday would not be my Mother’s Day. Sunday would be the day that I let go to the family obligations. I would give thanks to my mom and continue the pedicure tradition. But I would give myself my own Mother’s Day.

Friday is now my Mother’s Day. Friday, the kids will be in school and daycare and I have taken a vacation day off of work. And on Friday, after the kids are gone and the hubby is at work, the house will be all mine. I am going to be all alone and it will be wonderful! I am not going clean the house. I am not going to go grocery shopping. I am not going to pay bills. I am actually going to garden and plant some flowers. Then I am going to go shopping for some new clothes. I can’t wait!!!! My Mother’s Day all to myself is going to officially start in 48 hours!

To end this post, I just want to state for the record, that I love my mom with all my heart. And even though I bitch and complain about the lack of “me-time”, I do really enjoy spending time with her on Mother’s Day. I feel very fortunate to have her live in the same town as myself where we can do things like pedicures on Mother’s Day. And hopefully someday when my daughter is my age and has a daughter of her own, she won’t think of me as “mother”, but more of her “mom”.

When blogging becomes a chore

Blogging or sleep. These days it is a hard decision

Blogging or sleep. These days it is a hard decision

I love blogging. LOVE IT. I am not a writer, but I am a mommy. And blogging has been a way for me to unleash all my mommy drama and daily journalling. I have only been blogging for about 3 months. But quickly I have become addicted  I had plenty to write about. And somehow found the time to blog 2 days a week. That is 3 times a week, with working every night with my day job, working 3 days a week in the office, working in the classroom for my daughters kinder class, and being a fulltime mom and fulltime housewife. Basically instead of crashing on the couch, watching reruns of Rosanne at 8:00 pm, I was writing in my blog. I always said if it stopped being fun, I would stop blogging.

And then something happened. People started reading my posts. I was getting comments. And I was I was seeing an increase in blog stats. Super fun, right? Super addicting, right? Well, now my blog has topped off and really requires more work on my part to get it to the next level. In reading about how to increase your blogging community, you have some work to do. You need to comment on other blogs. You need to Tweet, Facebook, join other mommy communities. Basically get out there and be apart of others communities. I love the idea. But I feel like with the limited time I have, it is so hard to write posts, and get my foot in the door in other mommy blogger communities. Blogging can seriously become a fulltime job. A fulltime, unpaid job.

So needless to say… the honeymoon period is over. Obviously there is no way I will become a famous blogger like “The Bloggess” overnight… if ever. And I want to continue blogging. But I feel like I need to get over this hump. It is like when you lose 10 pounds, but you have 30 pounds to go, yet the scale will not move past pound 11. “This one goes to 11” (if you don’t recall, that is from Spinal Tap).

So as a new mantra to myself, I need to remind myself of the following:

  • Blogging is about having fun
  • Stats do not matter
  • Sometimes you will have nothing to write about, and that is ok
  • The world will not end if you don’t blog tonight
  • If no one reads your posts, it is ok
  • You should read, comment, and follow others blogs because you enjoy reading what they are writing, not just to expect a follow or comment back. That’s bad karma.
  • Out of all the perverts that read your blog because they think
    “Poop On Your Hands” means something kinky, there is probably at least a couple people who are reading your blog because they are fellow mommies with the same mommy issues you have.
  • And once again, blogging is about having fun!

Ok, now that I have gotten all that off my chest, I have a great idea for Wednesday post! But for now, time for sleep!