Agoraphobia….or just no night life?

I watch way too much TV violence. I know there is a serial killer waiting for me at night.

I watch way too much TV violence. I know there is a serial killer waiting for me at night.

I can’t say that I have ever really been an “evening event” person. Even before having kids, I enjoyed an evening consisting of a bong hit, a good moving, and carton of ice cream, before considering attending a party or social gathering. However, for the past 6 years, my evening routine has consisted of a babies bed time routine, followed by pi’s, locked door, and TV by 7:00pm. Our kids have always gone to bed between 6:30-8:00pm. This includes starting the evening routine around 5:30 with dinner, bath, etc. It just works for us.

But with the evenings starting so early comes a compromise that I never considered until recently. We have no night life. Unless we make plans for a date night or one of us has a night with friends, we are home bodies, from approximately 6:00 pm till bedtime. Our date nights are pretty few and far between, and usually consist of a movie and cuddle time on the couch. So when the time comes where I actually take those steps outside of my house, into the car, in the dark of night, the strangest level of anxiety and overall uneasiness comes over me. And all I want to do it reschedule my plans to stay in the safe zone of my locked door and house. Even if I need to get something out of my car, I will run to my car, get out what I need, lock the car door, and run back to the house, locking the door behind me.

Ok, blame it on watching too much violence on TV or horror movies. Blame it on the fact that I don’t go out at night….like ever. Blame it on the fact that I have too large of an imagination. Whatever, you will. But I just hate going out of my home when it is dark out. Even to get something out of my car at night, I usually just make a note to get it in the morning.

I have to laugh at myself. Way back in the day (aka, high school), I used to consider myself a “goth”. I was “a woman of the night”. Ha, yeah right. I was a poser, that’s what I was. But now, I am just a plain old hippy dippy mom, who rather be gardening and watching DYI then out on the town at night.

Something comes over me when I walk out that door and head to the car. The world is quieter at night. People who roam the streets at night have secrets lives and things to hide. There are many more hiding places  for serial killers attack me at night. There are more cars to not see me driving and accidentally hit me. People could be driving drunk. People could be rushing home. People could be rushing to rob a McDonalds. I don’t know… I just know, there is something mysterious, unsafe, and scary about being out at night for me.

I hate this feeling. I really do. I am way too young to feel this way. And it isn’t that I just can’t leave the house at night. I certainly can leave the house at night if I need to. It isn’t a feeling that inhibits me to get things done that need to be taken care of. It is just that I feel more comfortable taking care of business and having fun during the day. Then enjoy the comforts of my own home at night. However, I just imagine myself 40 years from now. I am going to be that old woman, who is extremely Agoraphobic and has like 10 cats and enjoys life from the window out her living room. Maybe I seriously need to get a life…..

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