Conversations with a 6 year old

Ok, I lied…. I just can’t handle not blogging in order to get work done. So I decided, I would either lose sleep, or sneak in blogging at work. So if anyone asks, I am just writing a very long work related email, or I have a tummy ache and hanging out on the toilet for an extended period of time. So pardon my poor writing…. I had to flush and get out of there before being noticed.

The events you are about to read are true and real in our household. All names have been changed to protect the embarrassed. LOL! Oh, and just so you don’t judge my parenting too much, I am planning on having more in depth conversations with her on some of these more serious issues.

Sharing a Bathroom

Daughter: “You can’t poop in my bathroom mom. This is my bathroom, my rules.”

Me: (as I am sitting on the toilet) “Um, it is happening…. Oh, and by the way, I pay for your food, clothes, a roof over your head, so I can poop wherever I want”

Discipline

Me: “I know you are upset you are on time out right now. But think of it this way, some parents beat their kids when they get in trouble. Daddy and me don’t beat you. So really you should stop crying and just deal with being on time out like a big girl.”

Daughter: “Oh my god!”

Fashion

Daughter: “Mom your hat looks stupid, take it off.”

Me: “Sometimes you wear things I think are stupid too, but I keep my mouth shut. Think about that”

Fashion again…

Daughter: “I look so cute mom. I look so adorable. I look so sexy”

Me: “Sorry hon, 6 year olds are not allowed to look sexy. And if a grown up ever told you, you look sexy, they are going to jail”

Daughter: “What does sexy mean?”

Me: “It means you look like someone wants to have sex with you”

Daughter: “What is sex?”

Me: “Sex is something married people do to make babies”

Daughter: “Is sex like when you gave birth to baby brother”

Me: “Pretty much, and it hurt like hell.”

Daughter: “I am never having sex”

Me: “Sounds good to me”

Fashion never ends….

Me: “Sorry honey, you can’t wear that outfit, your boobies are showing”

Daughter: “Mom, I don’t have boobies, I have nipples”

Me: “That is right, I forgot”

Personal Space with Mom

Me: “Um, can you please stop cuddling with my boobs, it is making me a bit uncomfortable”

Daughter: “But mom, your boobs are so squishy and cuddly”

Personal Space with Brother

Me: “Stop touching your brother’s penis….”

(Long story….)

Electronic Devices

Daughter: “When I have my own iPad, I am not going to let you use it ever!”

Me: “That is a great idea, I think we should implement that rule now. Since it is my iPad, you can never use it again. Thanks for the idea hon”

Playing Sports

Daughter: “Ok mom, I am going to give you that point so you stop complaining about it”

Me: “Oh you are so kind…. Too bad, I won that point fair and square”

Grownup Conversations

Daughter: “Mom, where is Aunt Chelsea?”

Me: “She is in jail honey”

Daughter: “Why, did she not wear her seatbelt?”

Me: “No…. you won’t really understand until you are a little older, but she did drugs and was sent to jail”

Daughter: “What are drugs?”

Me: (holy shit, how do I explain this one) “Drugs are like medicine that is REALLY REALLY REALLY bad for you and makes you go crazy in the head. You don’t get them from the doctor, you get them from really bad people”

Daughter: “Oh…..”

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2 thoughts on “Conversations with a 6 year old

  1. Hilarious! When I was at work pretending to read a really important email this totally broke my cover because I kept cracking up. Love your parenting style!

  2. Hahahaha! OMG, died when I read (Long story…) Even though I’m sure it all seems frustrating as hell when you’re going through it, it makes for some seriously funny blog fodder.

    Oh, and you couldn’t go two days without blogging? Congratulations! You are officially a true-blue, honest-to-God, red-blooded blogger now ;).

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