Pardon my french when I say this, but the story starts with “fuck in the ass”…. or maybe it was “ass in the fuck”…..
Well, anyway…. last Monday morning, rushing around the house to get ready for school and work, my daughter comes skipping down the hall singing over and over, “fuck in the ass, fuck in the ass….”. I can’t believe I am even typing this out loud. But hey, the beauty of writing anonymously, right?
Now rewind back to 1991, or 6th grade. For whatever reason, I loved to curse. I cursed all the time. Not in front of my parents of course. But with my friends, on the playground, in my room with the door closed, walking down the street. And pretty much it never stopped. Maybe I was rebelling against my mother. Maybe it felt good to do something that I knew was wrong. I don’t know. However, over the years, I have learned how to harness this bad habit and only use it when appropriate. I have found which friends have similar vocabulary sets, and when to turn it off in front of family and professional settings. I am sure my boss wouldn’t appreciate the f-bomb thrown all over the place when presenting my design prototype. And yes, I completely understand that this habit is not lady like, and pretty much, gross. If you ask me, better than picking my nose and eating it. (which my 6 year old has already mastered that bad habit)
I have also learned how to turn it off in front of the kids. A fine art to learn, but one I have mastered. My husband on the other hand, does not have a filter. He pretty much swears when he is happy, mad, frustrated, etc. And if he is watching football or playing a video game, oh watch out!!!!! We have gotten into arguments over and over regarding the subject. Frankly I have been waiting for daycare to call me since she was age 2, telling me how she told another kid to to f-off or something. Knock on wood, I have only gotten in trouble for her saying “fart” too much at daycare. Phew, that is the least of my worries.
Surprisingly enough, with the amount of cursing going on in the house, it has taken her 6 years to start her own set of vulgar vocabulary. The moment she sang the chorus to her new top hits single, I stopped it there. Basically I told her that if she continued cursing like that, I would take the following procedures:
- Money from her piggy bank would be taken and put in a “swear jar”. That money would go to me, where I would use it on frivolous things like coffee drinks and treats.
- If she ever got caught talking like that in school, she would be sent to the principles office and get in trouble. And then trouble at home as well.
- If she ever got caught talking like that with friends or at a friends house, no parent will invite her over for playdates ever again. Parents don’t want their kids to be friends with kids who teach them such language.
So far, she hasn’t cursed again. However, I am sure it will happen. Yes, I feel like a complete hypocrite for us parents cursing and then telling her how wrong it is. But, shit, we are adults. And sometimes adults get to do things that kids don’t. My daughter thinks her daddy should have a swear jar. I have to admit, I agree…..