What I am about to discuss is not pleasant for me. And frankly if I were not blogging anonymously, I probably would not have the guts to discuss it.
All us women have something about our bodies that we loath. I mean shit that just drives us up the wall every time we look, think, smell, what have you. Perhaps a varicose vein popping out of your thigh, pulsating every time you run your finger over it. Maybe you have a mole that is so large, you could give it a government capitol and run election for president. Maybe you have webbed feet? I don’t know.
For me, it is my hair. You are probably saying to yourself, “What the hell is she talking about? Who cares about hair? Just get a good cut and color, and be on your way”. No…. my hair has history. My hair is my demise. My hair effects my confidence and mood every single day of my life. My hair is not only thin, I am going bald. I feel like no one really talks about female balding. If you are a man, and start to go bald, you can just shave your head, done! With women, going bald is just embarrassing and shameful.
It all started about 18 years ago. You know, when there was no electricity and we had to walk to school in our bare feet, 10 miles in the snow. Nah, just kidding. But really…. When I was 16, and sexually active, I decided to get the Depo Provera shot for birth control. It is a hormone shot you get once every 3 months that stops you from ovulating. Worst decision of my life. I was only on the shot for about 9 months. In the 9 month period, I gained weight, stopped having periods, and my hair fell out. I am talking handfuls of hair coming out at a time. It took me a while to realize it was stemming from birth control. As soon as I put two and two together, I stopped the visits to Planned Parenthood, and moved onto a diaphragm.
From age 16 until age 34 (or present day), my hair has progressively become thinner and thinner. I have tried special shampoos, vitamins, acupuncture, blood work, different hair colors, comb overs, and more. Nothing has worked. Frankly I loath when people try and give me advice about it, as I feel like I have already tried EVERYTHING!
Over the years I have gone through various fashion statements, trying to hide my thinning hair. This includes a large chair scarf collection starting in the early 2000’s. Followed by years of collecting tons of hats!
Now I pretty much wear a wide variety of hats about 5 days a week. Or if I am motivated, I will blow dry my hair, comb it over a very special way, and then put a special mineral powder makeup that covers my visible scalp line, and then hair spray it so not one bit can move at all. Even then, all day long, all I can think of, is if people are looking at my hair when they talk to me. Very distracting when you are trying to have a conversation with someone, let alone a job interview.
So now am now at a stage in my life of acceptance. I will never get a full head of hair. When I was pregnant 2 times, my hair grew back slightly, but then just fell out again once I was about 5 months post postpartum. So where do I go from here? How much hair will I lose? It is slowly getting thinner. And slowly I am getting more depressed about it.
I had this epiphany today. What if I just started wearing a wig? What if I decided to be that fashion forward girl who wore a rockin’ wig and just owned it. Christina Aguilera, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, and many many more stars do it. So why not me?
Or maybe I should get a hair piece. Although I have this vision of the man who has a toupee and a monkey lands on his shoulders, takes the toupee off, and runs off, while everyone laughs at him. I just could not handle the humiliation.